Robert Burns' Not So Hot Ideaby Constance R. Hale
When Robert Burns gave us that oft quoted put-down, "Oh wad some power the giftie gie us to see oursels as others see us!" he gave us license. In my opinion, too many people use that phrase to feel smug and act condescendingly toward others who choose to be a little different. Mary Jo, an acquaintance with a lusty approach to life, is an example. She could have faded into the woodwork as the passage of time might have dictated, but she chooses not to do so. Her dyed and deviously manipulated hair-do tops off an outfit of sequins on sequins and gaudy costume jewelry. Her cloudy and cooperative mirror tells her she looks close to how she looked thirty years ago. How she sees herself is not related to how other people see her. When we lean toward a neighbor and whisper from the corner of our shielded mouths that smug observation by Burns, we think we're showing our "good taste," but it would do the sequined lady no earthly good to see herself as others see her. Besides, she and her sequins add brightness, and we need bright spots now and then. Several people can look at the same set of circumstances and have several different opinions about it. An amused young man named Ted sticks in my mind. He actually chortled when he told of how he and two of his buddies took advantage of "happy hour" at a local pub to place a bet. The bet was to be won by whichever Lochinvar could make a date with the ugliest female in the room. Ted said, "To ignore the cool cats and go for the dogs" was the theme of the evening. With pride and great amusement he described the blandishments he used to woo one hapless girl in order to win the wager. His suave sophistication convinced his prey that he was a sincere and caring person. Of course the charming gentleman, and I use both terms loosely, did not keep the date, and I only hope that the "pigeon" never found out about the bet. Ted saw himself as having an irresistible personality. I saw him as being a dim-witted jerk. Closer to home was a recent happening during a local club meeting. An acquaintance whom I had seen several times greeted me pleasantly and, after asking my name, confessed that she had always confused me with another lady because we looked so much alike. When she named the person I was surprised because though she was very pleasant, I could see no resemblance between us. Besides being considerably older than I, she was much more expansive in girth. I was amused by the obviously inaccurate comparison and when I next saw my "twin" I told her about the woman and her mistaken identities. Her reaction was not what I expected. She smiled, looked down at her corpulence, and said "Well! Unless I go on that diet I'll catch up to you in a few years." So much for what we both thought of ourselves. My mother often told the story of a special day in the park. My brother was the apple of my mother's eye. She did not just think he was the brightest and handsomest child in the world, she knew it. She told of the time when he was about eighteen months old and she and one of her neighbors were sitting on a bench in the park watching their two little boys as they played. My mother described the other little boy as being a "nice enough" child but far from handsome, with a sparsely covered head of wispy hair and a wandering right eye contributing to his other handicaps. A man, striding purposely in their direction as he crossed the park on his way to somewhere, stopped short in front of the small group. He looked at the two little boys at play and said in awed amazement, "My God! What a beautiful child!" My mother smiled modestly and was about to acknowledge the compliment when her neighbor spoke up saying "Thank you very much." What shocked my mother and what stayed with her forever after was the fact that the other mother foolishly thought that the man had directed the words to her son while my brother was right there and obviously the handsomer of the two. Every now and then, through the years, I think about this little episode. Although I never voiced the thought, I wondered which mother was right. The other mother believed that her child deserved the compliment even though my mother believed differently. What good would have been accomplished if the other fond mother had been told that her child with the wandering eye was homely? Or was he? Was that just the way my mother saw him? The old saw "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" seems to cover the event in the park very well. There are also those who see themselves as being less than others. When my daughter was in one of the lower grades of grammar school, she was fortunate to have a teacher who opened her young eyes to beauty she might have missed without her caring instruction. Miss Llewellyn was stooped and frail with very thick glasses. She never would have won a beauty prize, but my little girl understood her worth and declared many times that Miss Llewellyn was the most beautiful teacher in the whole world. I couldn't help but agree. At any rate, it really doesn't matter. Any problems that any of us have, whether mental or physical, belong to the looker not the lookee. Rather than seeing ourselves as others see us, I suggest that we keep in mind something that applies to all of us. The truism "Things are seldom what they seem" fits everyone. Each person is a "me" and a "me" is an OK thing to be. The truth often takes a while to surface. The pleasure is in watching that happen. Editor's Note: The quote continues: "It wad frae monie a blunder free us, An' foolish notion." Constance R. Hale Approx. 1025 words 10 B Dennison Drive East Windsor, NJ. 08520 Tel.(609) 443-8652
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